Hogwarts Rejection Letters
by Blood Brandy
Summary: We're sorry, but Harry won't be coming to Hogwarts. A series of crossover shorts, one-shots and snippets. Rated T for safety
1. Akuma

**Kind of a funny little thing I'm doing to try and get my sorry self writing again.**

**I figured, having seen some others, I'd take a whack at this. A number of mine will come with snippets as one-shots or open ended stories if someone else wants to run with them. If you want to, PM and let me know. Also, let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, there's a pretty good chance you can't read this anyways.**

* * *

_Professor McGonagall,_

_We apologize, but we see no need for our beloved little brother to attend your school. He is already excelling at his current studies, public and private, has already moved up several grade levels for academic achievements, mastered numerous forms of combat and is still studying others. _

_As things stand, we believe his studies would only suffer were he to attend your school, which does not even seem to offer classes on the basic sciences as required by almost every government on this planet for schooling students past primary school, let alone any of the advanced classes that would provide any challenge for Harry._

_We believe this ends our business, please do not contact us again,_

_Scanty Akuma_  
_Kneesocks Akuma_

08080**Years earlier**08080

Vernon Dursley stared at the two girls in front of him, standing in the middle of his sitting room. Neither one looked more than maybe five years older than his own boy, but both had him scared shitless.

Possibly because they both had red skin, spade tails, wings and horns.

"You want fame and money, don't you Mr. Dursley?" The one horned girl asked

"'I'd sell my soul', you did say the magic words, Mr. Dursley," The darker haired one pointed out, "And with such conviction, too."

Vernon flinched at the word 'Magic'. He'd never really thought something like this would happen. He'd been having a bad week, mostly because he got passed over for a promotion for the dumb-ass, fresh from university son of the CEO. Add into that, he had to do extra work for the lazy bastard, and one frustrated utterance later, he was staring down a pair of demons. Needless to say, he was as scared as any normal, church going man would be.

Using speed he hadn't shown since his youth, Vernon bounded over the couch and ripped a crucifix from the wall, pointing it at the pair, "BEGONE DEMONS!"

...

...Nothing, there was only silence.

The lighter haired one adjusted her glasses, "I will applaud the fact that that was probably the most exorcize you've done since the sixties, Mr. Dursley, but we do have other appointments. So, if you would please," She motioned him towards his chair, but her attention was caught but a glimpse of something under the stairs. It was only for a moment, but that was long enough.

"L-look," Vernon stuttered out, "It's just been a bad week, I-I really didn't mean-"

"So I take it you're scared of losing your soul," Glasses asked, "Then what if we offered an alternative?"

"A-alternative?"

The other demon looked surprised as well. Normal protocol for a hesitant 'client' was deceptions and half truths, 'What do you really need your soul for?', 'It's like an appendix.', 'Do you really think hell is that bad?'. But alternatives were one of the last resorts, and usually required authorization from higher-ups (figuratively speaking, of course).

Glasses simply sat and straightened her skirt, "Yes, Mr. Dursley, all we really need is a soul, like, say, the boy under your stairs."

Vernon looked to be ecstatic as the other demon pulled her partner close, lowly hissing in another language "_Kneesocks-san, what in Lucifer's name are you doing?"_

_"Trust me, Onee-sama, the fat whale's soul is coming our way eventually anyway, but that boy, I can sense another soul in him, an evil one that could very well be a boon to our future, besides, think about it,"_ Kneesocks pulled her sister close, _"A boy who will grow into a man, a man we can shape, a man who will follow our Ruruus, the perfect man for us, and we still get another soul for our quota."_

The other demon growled, thinking for a moment, before sighing, _"If you're wrong, YOU will have to explain this to our superiors, children's souls are almost useless to them."_

Smiling, Kneesocks turned back to Vernon, "So, Mr. Dursley, do we have a deal?"

Three weeks later, Vernon Dursley was indeed rich and was on the front page of every major European paper...

...As the mastermind of the biggest pension fraud in history, charges that were only aggravated when the neighbors noticed the sudden disappearance of the Dursley's nephew and the lack of a missing persons report, neither of which Vernon had any explanation for.

* * *

**And there you go, please review**


	2. Tennyson

******Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, then look out behind you, it's SLENDERMAN!**

******...Gotcha**

**A.N. And, a second on.e A little thought I had, If Harry had been adopted, perhaps even given a new name, he might not know he was adopted, and this letter could be a life changing even, and not necessarily in a good way...**

* * *

A young boy of eleven, apparently, sat alone in the swings, green eyes looking up into the stars, his mind focused on the paper in his hand.

"You okay?"

He looked back to his twin cousin, no, he was actually a bit older now that they knew the truth. Kinda of cool, but totally not worth it.

"What do you think?"

The girl sighed, taking the swing next to him, "Look, I'm sure grandpa and your dad didn't-"

"I'm not mad about that," The boy cut her off, "It's just," he struggled with his thoughts as his green eyes looked into hers, "It's like...my life has been a lie or something, like the me I've always been isn't-"

The red head took his hand, a tear in her eye, "Don't talk like that, never talk like that," she pulled herself out of the swing, standing with her hands on her hips, "Let me tell you something, you're short sighted, impatient, easily distracted, immature-"

"I don't think you get this whole motivation thing, Gwen," the boy sighed, his head dropping, only to feel Gwen lift it by the chin.

"-But you're also brave, usually selfless, and a good kid. I've seen you amazing things and stupid things, because that's who you are. You're my dweeby cousin, that's all that matters, it doesn't matter what your name is or where you came from or who your birth parents are, you're our family now." Gwen smiled down at him, holding out a hand.

Her cousin smiled back, taking her hand, the paper crumpled in the other...

_Dear Professor,_

_Look, you kinda dropped a bomb on me with that letter. I'll start of with this, I'm not Harry Potter. Maybe I was at some point, but as far as I know, I've always been Ben, and your letter..._

_Look, I'll just say I'm not coming to school. No offense, but I don't like normal school, having to live at one would suck. If I do want to learn magic and stuff, I can always just learn from my cousin, Gwen. She's kinda geeky, but she's alright._

_Besides, I've got important stuff to do around here._

_Sorry,_

_Ben Tennyson_

* * *

**A.N. See? Not always great...**


	3. Pilgrim

**A.N. Some crossovers can be a bit more fun than others.**

******Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, then someone probably pulled a 700 hit combo on your head.**

* * *

_Dear Professor McGonagall,_

_First off, I want to say thanks for letting me know I've already got magic powers. Back in grade 5, I took longsword proficiency classes like Dad instead of any of the magic proficiency classes, so knowing I already have some powers is seriously kick ass, so Mama Kim just had to take me to get some books and scrolls from a second hand store (Dad and me already figured out some magic sword power combos that are just freakin' AWESOME!)._

_Anyways, I don't really need to go to hogwerts or whatever. No offense, but I don't really think I have to leave the country just to go to school when there's probably somewhere I could go around here (And I just started my ninja/samurai-sword lessons with Grandpa Chou, and I really want to learn how to cut a car in half, so...yeah). And Mama Natalie could probably find me a tutor or something if I really need it._

_Sorry again,_

_Harry Pilgrim_

_P.S. Oh yeah, My last name is Pilgrim, not Potter, but it was cool to find out what my old name was, the note to the orphanage only said I was named Harry. Thanks :P_

_P.P.S. You guys should think about getting E-Mail, that poor owl almost keeled over when he got here_

* * *

**A.N. No snippet for this one, might make one later. Also, if you didn't realize, this is based off of the SCott ending of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World: The Game, where Ramona's run off and Scott is with Knives, Kim and Envy (Natalie), just for giggles**


	4. Freeman

**A.N. This one is the result of too much YouTube**

******Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, you've probably got a head-crab and aren't reading this anyway.**

* * *

_To whom it may concern,_

_I will admit, you've gone the whole nine yards with this crap (Seriously, training an owl just for some prank on a kid, don't you have anything better to do?)._

_But even if this was real, there's no way I'm going to England just to learn to pull a rabbit out of a hat or some crap, and my Uncle certainly isn't leaving his kick-ass job at Black Mesa for this crap._

_And, to be honest, I'd have to guess one of you was responsible for me ending up at the Durselys, and while he is a heavy drinking, violent (Towards others, not me) and all around neurotic son-of-a-bitch, my uncle and current guardian is a damn sight better than them._

_Don't piss him off, he will kick you ass._

_So, in short, piss off,_

_Harry Freeman_

* * *

**A.N. For those not familiar, do a search for Freeman's Mind**


	5. Star Bolt

**Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, you're a few apples short of a reunion.**

**You know, it occurs to me that there could some otherworldly circumstances where the guardian doesn't know Hogwarts is in another world**

* * *

_To whom it may concern,_

_First, I must congratulate you on somehow getting your letter to such an impossible location and past the containment put in place by my sister._

_But my chosen knight and heir needs none of your foalish parlor tricks, as he has studied intensively all the knowledge I have offered him thus far and still learns at an incredible rate. Indeed, he probably has more power in one limb than any of your teachers, and will truly show his worth to the world and those insipid twits who before abused him once I am freed and the lands know their true ruler._

_Princess of the Eternal Night,_  
_Nightmare Moon_

0808080

**Banishment log: **

**Year 992, Day 285**

There has been an...interesting development this night. I felt the spells that contain me seem to quiver. With a lightning-like crack, I was no longer the only prisoner upon the moon.

It is a strange creature, with forelimbs like the claws of a dragon, only softer, maybe something like a monkey, but more developed. It wears odd and tattered clothes. It also seems bruised and malnourished, limbs seeming thin even for it's diminutive size.

I have no idea what this thing could be, perhaps some new race that has come to Equestria during my imprisonment, but this youngling has...potential. Even in it's weakened state, it was apparently able to teleport through my magical prison, even weakening my containment ever so slightly. Whatever this may be, it bears further study.

**Year 992 Day 288**

After three days of caring for the unconscious creature, it has finally awoken. It reacted to me with about as much fear as would be expected of a foal facing such supreme power. From questioning and following examination of his dreams and memories (He has confirmed himself to be male), I have learned close to nothing of how the world has changed in my time away. The youngling knows very little, if anything, outside of the house he was raised in. Although he spoke naught of it, I have found him to be both abused and neglected, haunting his dreams are images of what appear to be an especially heavy talking walrus and a creature that seems to be some sort of bipedal donkey who he refers to as Uncle and Aunt respectively. Both appear to have abused him both emotionally as well, to the point where he doesn't know his name, the only constant he is referred to as is Freak.

Examination of the youngling over the past few days has shown he has a strangely strong grip of magic intrinsic to his body.

It worries me that my sister's reign has degraded things to the point where one with such obvious power and potential is allowed to waste away under the unjust heel of obviously lessor beings, one of many things I will apparently have to correct upon my return.

I have decided to try and teach the youngling. It would be a waste not to and could prove to be an asset, as well as a way to fill time, if nothing else.

**Year 992 Day 342**

The youngling has shown an impressive improvement over the past months. Although he proved difficult at first, given that one of the few things his former caretakers taught him was that magic did not exist. Although a foalish and easily dis-proven idea, they had forced it into his head so much that he had inhibited his own power subconsciously.

After breaking this programming, he has quickly become the prodigy I foresaw. Already, he is able to use his magic to lift things a few times his mass with ease, and has quickly absorbed my teachings, both magical and mundane (It would not do to have an asset without a brain)

**Year 994, Day 43**

My chosen knight has advanced at an almost frightening rate over the past year, he has taken to his teachings with a fervor and dedication that reminds me much of myself in a younger age.

He has also begun to refer to me as...Mother...

I am unsure how to handle this new situation. Part of me feels righteous indignation, even as my student, for him to presume such closeness to me.

But, I will also admit to a certain...Happiness at this development. This would cement his loyalty and, as loathe as I may be to admit it, perhaps finally having somepony else as company after so long...

**Year 994 Day 207**

There has been a most surprising development with my student. Where I'd left to slumber my student, I found now a young alicorn colt of dark navy pelt and a mane as black as the darkest night which, along with his still piercing green eyes, was the only thing that remained even close to his original form.

The only explanation he gave was a wish. As he lay down to rest this past night, he wished upon the stars, with all his heart, and the stars answered his wish...

To be my son.

And this wish made him as he is now, the power of the stars above evident in his cutie mark, a shooting star with a lightning shaped tail. He is of elegant stature and gait that any mare with eyes would accept his suit once he has reached the age of courtship.

Now, truly, I must concede, he is an heir of suitable power, and now seemingly of blood, an alicorn.

I have a son, and I shall call him...

Star Bolt

**Year 995 Day 26**

Although he was required to relearn many things in his new form, Star Bolt's already quick absorption of my lessons has accelerated, only slowed by his need to adjust to his now greater power inherent to an alicorn. He has also had learned to fly with incredible ease, seeming natural in fight. In fact, he seems to have become more at home in his new form than his original.

However, he does at times become heavily fatigued and suffer from headaches, I believe he is pushing himself to overexertion. I have decided focus more on theory and mundane teachings to remedy this, for now.

**Year 998 Day 260**

My gradual wearing away at my sister's spellwork has had another boon. A letter appeared before Star Bolt sent with some odd form of teleportation, powerful enough that, like Star Bolt's arrival, wore down the imprisoning spells.

Assuming this letter truly is meant for Star Bolt, it appears his name was originally Harry Potter, surprising that a foal of such power had such humble beginnings as to be a son of a pottery maker.

I have answered the letter with a refusal, I see no need for my son to attend a school he cannot even reach at this moment to learn this he had probably learned years ago.

Star Bolt's headaches have had a resurgence as of late...

**Year 999 Day 230**

I have become worried. Star Bolt's headaches have become worse over the past few months, pushing me to the edge of my limited medical knowledge.

He has also begun to suffer night terrors, visions of death, the blood of innocents, his original kind...

I have tried to look into his dreams, but they are so jumbled and turbulent, the only constant I can see is disturbing, something like Star Bolt's original form, but with decidedly serpent like traits, and his eyes...they are the eyes of a madpony, one who kills without remorse or reason.

**Year 999, Day 245**

I have nearly been locked upon the moon for a thousand years, and now I need to escape more than ever.

I have extensively examined my son in every way I know, and I have found the source of his ailment. A scar upon his brow, something I had long ago dismissed as a mark of his foalish former caretakers. There is something within the scar, something evil that has gripped my son's soul, digging into him like a cancer, and it has been inexplicably been growing stronger in recent months. His magic has grown weaker by the day, as has his body, looking more and more like the sickly creature I found years ago.

I can stall it, contain it, but only temporarily. My power, as it is now, would only feed this darkness and deepen it's roots into my son.

I doubt even my sister could aid my son as he is now, so there is only one hope I can think of, so my hoof is forced. I shall beseech the stars for their aid, as my son did years ago, to break my weakened containment. Celestia will most likely see the signs, but I have no other option. I will not lose my son!

I will have the Elements, even if I must take them from my sister's cooling corpse...

0808080

Celestia stepped towards her sister, now purified by the Elements of Harmony, only to be forced back, barely avoiding a strike from the horn of the younger alicorn.

Even in her currently weakened state, Luna, formerly Nightmare Moon, stood with an almost maddened look in her eyes.

"Give...Me...The Elements," Luna panted, her body shaking.

"Sister," Celestia said, hesitantly, "You are not well, your body has been left weakened when the dark forced left you, we should get you to-"

"**NO!**" Luna barked, her voice shaking the castle, "I need the Elements, Celestia, and I'll take them," She glared at the Element's current holders, "From your dead bodies if I mu-" Lune stopped, her eyes shooting wide as she felt something break, "No," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes, before she took off in a dash, past the ponies and her sister, "NO!"

Celestia and her subjects followed suit, chasing after Luna through the ancient castle, watching the night princess ascend a tower Celestia recognized as Luna's from long ago.

When the seven mares finally caught up to the night princess, she was in a hastily refurbished room, openly weeping over young, sickly colt laying on a bed.

"Star Bolt! Please, say something," Luna sobbed, "Please..."

The sickly colt could barely open his eyes, their once sharp green cloudy and dull, his breaths shallow, "M-Mother?"

"Yes, my son," Luna answered, nuzzling her colt.

"M-mother," Star whimpered, "It hurts."

"I-it's alright, it will be alright, my son," Luna sobbed, forcing a smile, "My sister has brought help, you will be fine." Walking away from the bed, Luna glared at her sister, and spoke in a low voice, "I do not care what you plan for me, execute me, imprison me again, do what you will, but please," Luna could no longer keep her composure, her head dropping, "Please, save my son, the Elements are the only way to free him from the taint that threatens his very soul, they are his only chance."

Seeing her sister breaking down, Celestia turned and nodded to her student, "Twilight Sparkle, do what you can."

Unsure, Twilight and her friends gathered around the young pony as their necklaces began to glow, an orb of light, every color of the spectrum, enveloping the colt as he began to float.

080-Elsewhere, in another reality-080

Albus Dumbledore steeled himself for the coming battle, knowing it may be his last. Approaching the castle were the forces of darkness, lead by Voldemort, resurrected by the stolen Philosopher's Stone. Staring down his former student, Dumbledore drew his wand.

0808080

Luna watched as a dark miasma formed around her son, the Element bearers beginning to strain as it hissed like a snake, coalescing around the young colt.

Seeing the pained expression on her son's face, Luna steeled herself, dredging up what power she had left, she focused it into her horn and charged, ignoring her sister's cries as she leaped into the light, a roaring battle cry echoed as she drove her glowing horn into the shadow.

She didn't care if she died, she would protect her son.

0808080

Dumbledore could feel himself tiring as he dueled the monster that was once Tom Riddle. His chances were almost none with Voldemort backed up by the Philosopher's Stone, but he had to try. In the back of his mind, Albus did something he hadn't done since his mother died.

He prayed, he prayed to whatever power was listening for a miracle.

And something answered...

In the middle of the incantation for the Killing Curse, Vodemort dropped to his knees, screaming in such pain that all battle near him stopped. It felt as if something was burning him from the inside, he couldn't muster any sort of thought, let alone cast a spell. Like breaking glass, the dark wizards skin began to crack, light shining through as he tried to fight it off.

He was Lord Voldemort, the greatest wizard to ever live. He was immortal, he would not be defeated.

Voldemort felt a sudden stabbing in his body and something snapped. Every dark deed, every murder, every torture, from the innocents he'd slaughtered to the unicorn's blood he'd sustained himself on, his body and soul burned in the light.

A voice rang out, everywhere and nowhere, loud enough to shatter glass as storm clouds circled above.

**"YOU SHALL NOT TAKE MY SON!"**

With that, Voldemort erupted in a bright burst of light that cascaded in all directions, sweeping across the battlefield and beyond. Dementors, inferi and Vampires burned away into nothing in an instant, werewolves and death eaters fell to the ground, writhing in pain, unable to withstand the pure power of the light.

For many years after, Wizards the world over would wonder as to what had happened to turn the tide of the battle, the lands, remains and survivors would be analyzed to an insane degree, and they would barely scratch the surface of the light that had literally shattered the darkness. Only Albus Dumbledore had an inkling to the source, the mother whose sacrifice had, again, saved the world.

And even he would be wrong, in a way.

0808080

As the light cleared, Luna found herself, no longer in the long abandoned castle, but a beautiful field of flowers of every color and shade, even some she'd never seen on a flower.

"Your highness."

The voice startled Luna, who spun around to find her son, sleeping soundly, with his head in the lap of another, one of his original race, a female, she guess, with a long red mane.

"Who are you, and what are you doing with my son?"

The female smiled softly, "Just taking my last opportunity to thank you, your highness, for saving him, and being a mother when I could not."

Luna balked as she was engulfed in a bright light, finding herself back in the ancient castle, standing over the bed as her son's eyes opened.

Luna didn't care what came next, if she was to be a princess or a prisoner, this, by far, was her most important title.

"Mother..."

* * *

**By the way, this is a pony chapter.**


	6. Maxwell

**Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, 'den you a bit touched in 'da head, 'mon.**

* * *

_To Whom It May Concern,_

_Harry has no need to go to some back-water school to learn magic, especially when we already deal with things beyond the comprehension of your weak minds on a weekly basis._

_And I will not be deprived of the only intelligent conversation I have in this town. Bother us again, and I will be...displeased..._

_Amanda Maxwell_  
_Endsville, USA_

_P.S. Enclosed are the heads of a few of your wizard friends who decided to visit Harry and I shortly after your letter arrived. Our 'Best Friend' didn't take well to their attack, or their choice in naming their little club. We kept the masks, wands, and their souls._

* * *

"I swear, how do you stand 'dat girl?"

A pair sat on the steps outside of a modest house. One a young boy, and the other who had asked the question was, well, decidedly older and very much less...alive.

"She's my best friend, and my first friend," the boy answered simply. She was kinda his only friend, actually, besides Grim, being the only one Dudley didn't scare off.

"She's a menace, 'dat's what she is," the hooded skull huffed.

"Says my friend who just killed a dozen wizards and took their souls."

"And she tool 'deir masks an' you took 'dose wands," if he had eyes, Grim would be rolling them, "She's a bad influence on you, boy."

"Maybe," Harry said with a smile, "But if she wasn't my friend, then I wouldn't have you as my friend either."

"An' I'd be happier free of you brats."

"You know you love us," Harry said, smiling.

"Harry! Grim!" a voice called them into the house. The two entered to find a blonde girl in a pink dress, about Harry's age, sitting in a chair, calmly sipping tea.

Across from her on the couch sat Harry's Aunt, Uncle and Cousin, pale faces of fear looking like they had spoken with the devil, and in some opinions, they had. It was amazing how the girl could frighten adults without ever raising her voice, and amusing to Harry how his family found Mandy's presence to be more frightening than Grim himself.

"Yes, Mandy." Harry greeted as he entered.

"It seems your aunt was nice enough to hold onto your mom's old school trunk, it should have all of her books and notes for us to study."

"'Us'?"

"Grim!" Mandy barked, "Make me a witch."

Grim sighed, he really should have seen this coming, no way the little monster would let a chance for power go by. He could stand to sacrifice a couple of his new souls, but she was going to be insufferable after this.


	7. Claw

**Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, then you may be as smart as a cybernetic cop, and not in a good way.**

* * *

_Professors of Hogwarts,_

_My ward desires to decline your offer. Just as I have my insufferable enemy, he too has a rival he seeks to defeat (And convert, I believe). He still has much to do and your...schooling would only impede his plans, and I would hate to stifle his plans when they could further my own._

_Dr. Claw_  
_M.A.D. Organization_

* * *

Penny and Brain slipped quietly through the old castle, having gotten separated, again, from her Uncle Gadget by his tendency to bungle into secret passages. They had come to this old castle investigating the stolen Cat's-Eye Sapphire, and a few clues at the scene had led them to this castle.

And now the pair were left wandering, Brain snuffing at the ground, looking for the cybernetic Detective, since the old stone walls and remote location pretty much cut them off from all communication.

*Sniff, Sniff*

Brain stopped and began sniffing the air, and Penny didn't have to wonder why, something smelled delicious. Following the smell, the girl and her dog found their way to a small, candle-lit dining room with a spiral staircase in the corner, a full course meal set out, still steaming and fresh. Taking a careful step into the room, the door immediately slammed shut. Before they could even turn to try and open it, a very large growl stopped them.

Crawling out from under the table, a very large cat (a Jaguarundi, a part of her mind registered) took slow steps towards them.

"Now, Madeline, that's no way to treat our guests," A young voice echoed through the room.

The cat hissed, but backed down.

"You'll have to forgive Madeline, she tends to be a bit...uncomfortable, around new people." There were sounds of footsteps as someone descended the stairs, with a smile she instantly recognized. Every time MAD had escaped, every time Dr. Claw had gotten away recently, she saw that smile, almost mocking her.

"Hello, Penny."

The blonde's eyes narrowed as Brain growled, "M.A.D."

"Ah, but not quite. My father's organization has almost nothing to do with this. As far as he's concerned, I merely rented out a castle to get away and do some plotting of my own, and he's not too far off." The boy, probably her age if not younger, smiled as he approached his cat, Scratching Madeline behind the ear.

"Then what do you want with the Sapphire?"

The boy's green eyes twinkled with mirth, "Absolutely nothing at all."

That...surprised both Penny and Brain, leaving them speechless.

"Oh, come now, Penny, you can't believe MAD is behind every crime in the world, now can you?"

"Then, what are you doing here?"

The boy chuckled, "Let me tell you something about my father, he is very intelligent, but it's his pride that is his undoing. He knows full well your uncle is a complete and total moron, but still sees him as his greatest enemy, because his pride won't accept the truth...That, more often than not, his plans are foiled by a young girl and her exceptionally intelligent dog. So, unless someone tells him right to his face, he'll always be after your uncle instead of you, the grunts are too scared to tell him, and I would never do so myself."

"Why?"

With a confident smile, the boy held up four fingers, "You're resourceful," one down, "Clever," and another, "Intelligent", down to the last, "And cute."

Brain growled as his owner turned bright red, "W-what!?"

"Ooh, and you're cuter when you blush," The boy laughed, "You see, my dear Penny, my father drilled two main lessons into me early on, let nothing stop you from getting what you want, and always think ahead. Not to sound arrogant, but I am rather intelligent, and rather handsome, if I do say so myself, and I hope, when I grow up, to have a wife who is as beautiful as she is intellectually challenging. To make things short, Penny, I'm hoping to woo you, and figured, why not start sooner rather than later?"

* * *

**A.N. and that's all I got for this one. Feel free to comment, and if you're wondering, a Jaguarundi is a medium size cat (21 to 30 inches long, 7 to 20 pounds) native to Central and South America, is closely related to the cougar and were once used by native tribes to control pest populations, although keeping them as pets is not exactly recommended these days.**


	8. Ketchum

**Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, you can improve your quality of life by letting a Shellder bite your head.**

* * *

_Professor McGonagall,_

_Harry will not be attending Hogwarts. In fact, he will be attending no school in your reality...Ever..._

_Let me tell you a story, five years ago, during their studies of the artifact they call The Veil, one of your Unspeakables had the bright idea to see what happens when the Killing Curse is sent into the veil. Nothing happened, and they continued their studies._

_But something did happen in our reality, a single mother lost her only son, a child with a heart and soul more pure than any other being, a boy who would be destined for such great things, who would do such good in our world..._

_A life snuffed out due to one man's ignorance and carelessness, and our world lost one who was chosen for an incredible destiny._

_I came to your reality to seek vengeance, and it was mine, that fool spent the rest of his days being chased through the Distortion World._

_But what else did I happen to stumble upon? My portal opened, unseen, over a quaint little community, where a child, touched by destiny, lay beaten and un-helped, so I sought...Balance, in a way..._

_You took one of Our chosen, so I took yours..._

_Worry not, although he will have his trials, Harry has lead a far happier life as a Ketchum than he would have ever had as a Potter, under a Dursley's heel or your headmaster's manipulations, and even in the past year since his journey began, he has accomplished great deeds._

_Perhaps, one day, I shall appear to him, and offer a chance to aid you in your coming dark times, ask him if he wishes to help those who abandoned him to sorrow and abuse._

_You had best pray for his mercy._

_Good Luck,_

_Arceus_

* * *

**A.N. Not sure what brought this about, but hey...**


	9. Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky

**Disclaimer, I own neither the Harry Potter series nor any other series mentioned or involved in this. If you believed that I did, you may want to lay off the Red-Eye...**

* * *

_Professor McGonagall,_

Through our associates in the Bank of London, we have been informed that, following a major accident, Mr. Potter's body underwent a medical procedure known as Cryogenic Freezing, where his body was put into a state of suspended animation until such a time as he can be safely restored and healed.

His vaults have been frozen, save for the annual payments for his continued upkeep.

Thank you,

Bladvak  
Junior Account Manager  
Gringotts, London

* * *

With the hero gone, Voldemort's arrival went near unchallenged, and for a time, it seemed he would soon gain power enough to move to take over greater Europe, even more...

...Then, there was a disaster known to the muggles as The Gate Incident, which crushed Voldemort under a literal ton of moon-rock.

Many of their numbers wiped out by falling meteorites, the pure-bloods still refused to escape as many muggles, and muggle born, did on star ships. Through inbreeding, made even worse by their far diminished numbers, in just the fifty years following the incident, pure-blood wizards were just on this side of extinction as muggleborns spread to the stars...

And, as for Mister Potter...

08080808080

_...Chances of rock-showers today-10%_

"Edward, Dinner!" A young boy called from a small cooking fire. Climbing atop the debris, his found his red-haired friend laying on the ground with a smile.

"Bebop! Here, here! Alright! Woo-Hoo!" The tanned red-head flailed about before bending round to type something...with her feet...

Smiling as his friends antics, that smiled stopped when he heard a familiar whistling, just before-

BOOM!

Laying in the debris of the meteor strike, they could hear the radio...

_Chances of Rock Showers today upgraded to-90%_

"Really?" Ed deadpanned.

"So much for dinner," Harry groaned.


End file.
